This past year, at 36, I came to the decision that it was unfair of me to deny the existence of God without reason. I felt I had to seek a relationship with Jesus for any conclusions to be drawn and I want to take a few minutes to share my experience.
My need for answers came from a severe case of burnout. I had always thought burnout was a minor, temporary problem, so I kept pushing myself without ever considering what I wanted out of this life.
I was wrong about burnout! My experience it led to a deep depression and increasingly worse anxiety. I stopped performing at work, I stopped caring about personal improvement and eventually, I was ready to give up.
During this time, I was actively working on fixing these issues. When I realized how bad it was, I began making physical changes. I started exercising regularly and eating a more balanced diet. I cut out bad habits while ensuring I got enough sleep. I even reached out to mental health professionals for treatment…I knew what I needed to do to get better, I just had to do it!
While this was a better response than ignoring the issue, it didn’t seem to be fixing my problem. The depression still lingered, my anxiety grew stronger and my sense of hopelessness deepened. That’s when I turned to the Church.
I had a friend who regularly attended the Sagebrush campus in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. This was my only real option. I felt I needed the support of someone I knew well, someone who I trusted.
I loathed the idea of going to church. I never felt like I belonged in the past, and I could feel a sense of judgment when I walked through those doors. Deep down though, I knew that truly giving Jesus a chance would take more than me opening a Bible by myself and seeking answers.
So I went, and while my experience wasn’t perfect I can confidently say that I enjoyed it. The social anxiety didn’t just melt away, and I continue to deal with it when going to service to this day, but it’s becoming bearable.
My wife and I enjoyed Sagebrush, so we signed up for a small group at the campus. This terrified me! What if I didn’t fit in? Would they be able to sense my disbelief? What if I get kicked out when they see that I’m a fraud? I couldn’t stomach rejection, not now.
Well, I am happy to report that this small group has been the highlight of my year. I quickly recognized that everyone there was just like me. Looking for answers in a world they couldn’t understand on their own.
After a year of semi-regularly attending our small group, (not so much Sunday service, I need to do better) I feel like Jesus is finally making himself known to me. I recognize signs that I never did before, and I feel closer to finding my life’s meaning and my intended path.
If you are on the fence about God like I am, I encourage you to just give Church and specifically small group a shot. Connect with others. Look deep within yourself for what you actually believe and pay attention to the changes that start to take place. I’m willing to bet if you go in with an open mind and stick to it, you won’t regret it!
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